1. Ten days of silence:
Some people asked me what attracted me to do a 10-day Vipassana meditation course. A course that requires you to remain silent for 10 days but also asks you to refrain from reading, writing, listening to music, looking each other in the eyes, any physical contact or sexual activity, harming others (so only vegan food) and eating no outside food. I think I read about it in a book years ago, and last year, I got the advice to do it from my yoga philosophy teacher. Now, I have such a strong urge to do it that I quit my high-paying job, ended my apartment lease, and headed to Southeast Asia to engage in a spiritual journey, including this Vipassana retreat. This journey has impacted my life and become an essential part of me, so I found it worthwhile to reflect on it and share it here on my website.
2. What is Vipassana
Vipassana is a form of meditation that aims to cultivate self-awareness by observing bodily sensations. It is an ancient meditation technique said to have been rediscovered by Gautama Buddha over 2,500 years ago. The word “Vipassana” is a Pali term that means “clear seeing” or “insight.”
The technique involves observing bodily sensations with a balanced and equanimous mind, developing insight into the nature of one’s mind and the impermanence of sensations.
The Vipassana retreat is on a donation basis, with limited spots available that you have to apply for. There are over 300 Vipassana centres worldwide. Something attracted me to perform my first Vipassana at the source. There are some arguments about where this technique is from, but according to my research, the greatest origin and the place where the method was scaled was in India, so I researched the centres there. After asking some relatives who had done it before for their experience with the locations and researching the different Google reviews of different centres, I signed up for three centres. I got selected at one of them as a “new student” on the outskirts of the Pink City of Jaipur.
3. My motivation to follow a 10-day Vipassana
What attracted me to the idea of following a 10-day silent retreat was the idea of better self-awareness. I’ve heard stories of how people saw different sides of themselves, how unresolved traumas and thoughts came to the surface, and how people gained more awareness that helped them personally and professionally. So, I knew it would be challenging, but I imagined it would be worth the challenge. No pain, no gain.
It is worth mentioning that I didn’t suffer from any significant trauma beyond any other person’s life struggles, like the common bad break-ups or family struggles. But I wanted to face my true self, and if there was any shadow side, to face it head-on and start my new chapter with a clean slate and a light heart. And so I went with an open mind.
4. My preparation before the retreat
A half year before I started my Vipassana, I contacted a philosophy teacher in India whom I met a year before, whom I very much respected due to her graceful presence and unprecedented wisdom. Before embarking on this meditation journey, she recommended I do a 200H Yoga Teacher course first (which deserves its own blog later). Although the Vipassana training asked me not to perform any yoga during the retreat, the philosophy teachings, the breathwork and movements of yoga, and the meditations were the perfect preparation for my body and mind before deepening my meditation and self-awareness practice in these ten days of self-awareness.
A few weeks prior, I downloaded the Dhamma app and listened to some initial instructions on the technique. I felt ready to embark and travel to Jaipur.
5. Arrival and Initial Impressions:
During the three weeks between the yoga course and before the retreat, I travelled through northern India. I spent over 50 hours in trains and buses, slept in the open desert and an icy mountains tent, and saw how five religions peacefully live next to each other in the vast, vibrant, highly spiritual country.
I just trekked in Dharamsala, where the Dalai Lama has its residence and main temple. I arrived in Jaipur by bus in the early morning. The busy city of Jaipur starkly contrasted with the quiet mountain villages of the Himalayan border.
I found an Uber driver to drive me to the Vipassana Centre on the outskirts of the city, and after 25 minutes of slaloming cows and countless monkeys on the road, I arrived at the centre.
I remember it was early in the morning. It was cold, but the early morning sun shone warm on my face. The staff was still busy setting up the admin desk, but they offered me some tea, and I was guided to a small place where I received some simple food. I tried to send my family and close friends some comforting words, but unfortunately, the centre was so remote that I no longer had internet. This was the first challenge to letting go and accepting reality. I was asked to sign in at the office, where I got a token for laundry, left my passport, and left my phone, books, headphones and other distracting items in the locker area for safekeeping.
The morning progressed, and slowly, other participants dripped in. I got assigned a bed in a simple shared bungalow, where I met a friendly Indian man who quickly invited me to sit with them outside. It was nice to settle in that space a bit and share expectations. And it was pleasant to find like-minded people. Everybody came with a growth mindset, which created a nice bond from day one. But still, there was a luring vibration of excitement and curiosity for the days to come.
4. The environment:
The bungalows were surrounded by nature. They must have a lot of upkeep to keep the park and its plants healthy and green like that in the Jaipur desert heat. They provided space to walk around and stretch your legs. The green trees were alternated by the golden glow of a Pagoda, the rocky mountains in the distance and the sounds of wildlife such as peacocks and various monkey families. While I walked around I saw only other men. The men and women were divided into two sections by a high wall.
The rooms were very simple. It just provided a simple bed, a toilet and some buckets to wash yourself (no showers). In comparison to Western standards the beds had more similarity with the comfort of laying on an ironing board with a sheet on it, but still, I slept fine on it. Warm water was only available in the morning between 7 and 8 AM, at which time the big wood-fired boilers enabled the 120 men and 80 women to wash themselves.
5. The silent beginnings
At 18:00 on the first day, the late S.N. Goenka gave an opening speech over a pre-recorded video. After that, the silence began. The introductory atmosphere made a place for collective excitement, noble silence, and introspection for the following days.
The schedule for the 10 days was as follows:
4:00 a.m. Morning wake-up bell
4:30-6:30 a.m. Meditate in the hall or your room
6:30-8:00 a.m. Breakfast break
8:00-9:00 a.m. Group meditation in the hall
9:00-11:00 a.m. Meditate in the hall or your room according to the teacher’s instructions
11:00-12:00 noon Lunch break
12 noon-1:00 p.m. Rest or interviews with the teacher
1:00-2:30 p.m. Meditate in the hall or your room
2:30-3:30 p.m. Group meditation in the hall
3:30-5:00 p.m. Meditate in the hall or your room
5:00-6:00 p.m. Tea break
6:00-7:00 p.m. Group meditation in the hall
7:00-8:15 p.m. Discourse in the hall
8:15-9:00 p.m. Group meditation in the hall
9:00-9:30 p.m. Questions in the Room
9:30 p.m. Retire to your room. Lights out
6. Challenges Faced:
I had already meditated for around 30 minutes daily, so I felt familiar with meditation. I expected my biggest challenge to be mental boredom. I heard of a friend who had done it years before; she mentally played whole albums by Beyoncé in her head just to kill time. A couple of years ago, I tried to memorize the full “to be or not to be” by Shakespeare, so during the trip to Jaipur, I repeated unfamiliar lines just to provide something to do during the hours of silence.
Secondly, I was not a morning person; being woken up by a bell at 4:00 without my own phone alarm sounded like a challenge.
The last challenge I foresaw was sitting. Usually, after 30 minutes, I had to change not to feel my feet fall asleep in a painful way.
The first day was filled with excitement and new experiences. The wake was fine; it was cold in Jaipur in the early November mornings, but I managed to layer up, and the wake-up bell was loud enough to get me awake.
The first real challenge was the sitting. I heard that people said they had plenty of time to walk around, so as you can see in the course schedule, I was not mentally and physically prepared to sit for 12 hours, often multiple hours at a time, on the ground in the lotus position. The first 30 minutes were fine, but then the pain kicked in. Neither my lower back nor my hips were used to this position. I wrapped a scarf around my knees and back and tried to reposition myself based on the alignment teachings from my Yoga journey. This offered some temporary relief, but the constant pain made me need to move every 5 minutes for some relief. The hour felt like days—a true mental challenge to stay in position.
I mixed my posture, lotus, sitting on my knees, and stretching my feet in front of me(which was officially not allowed). It all provided just some temporary relief.
After day 5, the back pain grew more and more severe and also didn’t pass over in the breaks, which led me to take some painkillers. By communicating this with the head teacher, I asked for a small back support which fortunately I got assigned. After this, the depth of the meditation improved significantly.
If you would ask me to describe the first seven days during the retreat, I would describe it as a mix of the feeling of boredom, not having any flesh to sit on anymore on a long bus ride or flight and my imagination of the experience of actual prison (fortunately I never had that experience in real life).
The whole technique is focused on observing bodily sensations with a balanced mind, but when it’s your first time, your mind keeps on distracting itself with everything that is more pleasant than the current pain and mental and physical discomfort you feel.
To distract me, all I could think about was my family’s food, Swedish Marabou chocolate, and various memories and fantasies of intimacy. My yoga course has already taught me that any desire is the cause of suffering. But that is hard to feel in the moment. The retreat’s guidance of focussing on your breath and bodily sensations as a coping technique brought ample comfort but took some days to embody. But you will see that finding control and discipline over your own sensations brings a feeling of strength and power.
7. Breakthrough Moments:
The first days came with many challenges, but slowly and steadily, I found the strength to focus and overcome these hurdles. From that came a lot of internal peace. From that state of peace and silence, I derived my inner voice. Something that was vaguely familiar, and which I could trust immediately, like a voice of great wisdom. But it was not only a voice, I remembered events that were buried deep in my memory. I remembered insignificant details like the colour of my lunchbox as a child or the smell of my Judo teacher.
One great moment came after day 4; after some tough days of dedication, I just tasted this blissful state of answers and resolution. One of the first things that came up was my love for leading teams and presenting to and teaching others. Somehow, this voice told me there was a path to be walked there. It also reconfirmed my choice to pursue the path of entrepreneurship again. I started my career with a small but successful e-commerce business, and although it didn’t make me rich, it was the most fulfilling and personally authentic work I’ve done. So, that is what I will focus on in my profession again.
The technique focuses on bodily sensations. Which I realised is a great anchor for mindfulness. The body always keeps the score. Using the breath as an anchor, promoting focused attention and calming the fluctuations of the mind helped me focus on things that came up, traumas and memories, and process them without attachment.
On the ninth day, I had a dream in the morning. A dream where one unresolved ex-relationship came to me in a state like nothing happened, just how I knew her when we were in love. In this dream she came to me and said she needed to talk. We didn’t speak in the dream, but somehow, this dream was everything I needed to let go of the past and move on after two years.
When I let go of distractions, aversions and cravings, I started to feel so in control of my life, and such a powerful energy entered my body. Like the opportunities of the whole world lay at my feet.
8. Lessons Learned:
One of the main lessons Vipassana will teach you is that everything in life is impermanent. The itch on your nose will fade over time. And so will everything, good and bad, in life. Time will bring, break, heal, and repeat everything in life. This impermanence (Anicca) is described in the technique as recognizing the transient nature of sensations and understanding that change is constant. Adopting this mindset or law of nature will strengthen your emotional resilience. You will automatically become more resilient and face challenges with composure and a balanced mindset.
The second teaching is mindfulness in daily life: When you have all the time in the world, you watch the steam over your tea, your breath, the sun over the Pagoda, and the monkey families in the treas. So, one main lesson is to extend this mindfulness beyond meditation sessions to daily activities, fostering a heightened awareness in every moment.
Every night, just before bed, we had a daily discourse over Video by the institute’s founder. These videos (also referred to as Dhamma talks) provided me with plenty of pieces of wisdom. The founder is a good and charismatic speaker who explains the technique with much compassion and humour and references analogies. I clearly remember when he said, “If you are thirsty, dig a well. You can start digging at one place, then change your mind and start digging somewhere else, but if you want to reach the water, you must be consistent and dig deep”. This analogy was used to motivate Vipassana practitioners to keep practising to get the best result, but I find the applicability in life so versatile. Sometimes, you are at a crossroads, overthinking if you should take one direction. But this analogy taught me that sometimes it doesn’t matter; you will not get the result by waiting, but you will get a result by showing up with discipline. Sometimes all the roads lead in the same direction, you just have to keep going.
10. Impact on my Life
After this reflection, I don’t need to tell you how much this trip has impacted my thoughts, actions, and overall well-being. I still find a way to practice the techniques at least for an hour daily.
By using this vipassana meditation technique, I’m training the mind to reside in the present moment, which helps me break free from the distractions of past regrets and future anxieties. Not only in those times of meditation, but I put my phone down more often, haven’t watched any TV, spent less time on social media, and instead, cleaned my house, talked with my family more, connected with local conscious communities and focussed more on my future dreams by taking small actions.
In daily life, it also taught me about the interconnectedness of life. I recognize the interconnected nature of the body, mind and spirit and see more connections between all phenomena around us. It fosters a sense of interconnectedness with the world and its inhabitants.
11. Gratitude and Conclusion
I am an avid reader, so I understood the technique and the benefits. However, experiencing the 10-day retreat made me feel and know that the disciplined practice of Vipassana offers a transformative path towards liberation from suffering and the realization of true inner peace. And not only in the retreat, but it leaves a lasting change. Once you know the technique and feel the inner peace, it’s easier to return to it in times of change, suffering or internal conflict.
We were slowly allowed to talk again on the last day before lunch. And it was such a brotherly experience to speak to the 120 men who went through the same struggles, back pain and transformation. I could finally talk with the people who meditated 12 hours a day around me.
I am genuinely grateful for the experience. The teachers, and the fellow meditators. It’s truly a gift to the world that this institute exists. Since it’s on a donation basis, I thank the millions of people before me, and I am happy to pass it on to the next and motivate more people to do it through this article.
The institute itself uses the analogy of an operation to describe the retreat. First, you prepare yourself by calming your breath and mind and gaining focus, and then you start doing the work, and in the end, there is relief and connection with the world again. I think this metaphor is the best one I heard since it is not always pleasant or comfortable, but it is worth it.
Let me end with this: it doesn’t matter your age, religion, experience with meditation, or phase in your life. I genuinely feel everybody could benefit from doing this retreat at least once. I promise you will know yourself better afterward, become more resilient, and achieve more clarity.
